Dead Batteries


When we think we have a good idea of what we want to do with our lives, we cut our teeth in different ways. That said, there was a point in my life where there was nothing I wanted to do more than to make a disgusting amount of money wearing a tie and selling cellular phones for Verizon Wireless. I loved wireless technology at the time, the product sold itself and it was a good opportunity for me to wear a tie like I had a real job.

At the time (this was probably 2007? I don’t remember, check my LinkedIn) big red wasn’t looking for any scrubby Joe 12 Pack out of community college, they were looking for people with experience. Not real life experience just cell phone sales experience of any type. Much like Vince Gilligan had to write for the X-Files before creating Breaking Bad (this is the exact same situation) I started my career in wireless sales with RadioShack.

So when I read the news this morning that RadioShack is on its way to a watery grave, I felt it was my duty as a former employee to give it a fitting send off. Something that means well, but will probably be forgotten about just past fourteen days.

My RadioShack journey was a strange one. It was right around the holidays and they were hiring seasonal help. My friend Cunningham had been working there for a while and recommended that I apply along with three of our other friends. One by one we all were hired. Before long our group of friends outnumbered previous store employees. 4-3.

This was my first actual retail job that wasn’t a fast food chain, and it was at this time when I realized that most human beings are impossible to help let alone interact with. Something I thought would change when I got a job in Seattle or with a better company or in a better part of town. Turns out it doesn’t. People are the worst.

Here is a quick, top of my head list of things I remember enjoying while working for RadioShack

  • During the holidays, we had about five copies this 3 Doors Down DVD that was marked down to $2.97 and we had a contest to see who could sell the most. I sold 3 at one point using the pitch “Hey ma’am, does your grandson like ROCK music?”
  • There was a pizza joint nearby called Pizza Time and we had a pen that advertised a delivery special. Any time any of us would call, we would make sure that we let them know that the deal came from the pen.
  • At the height of the Nintendo DS popularity, we had multiple Mario Kart sessions in the store.
  • Cunningham had set the Direct TV DVRs to auto-switch to ECW on Tuesday nights infuriating the manager.
  • Everyone dropping everything we were doing and buying the returning Italian Chicken Sandwich from Burger King.

I eventually did move on to Verizon Wireless to try my hand over there and spent a little over two years there (about six months away from my 401k vesting, but I digress) and had some great memories too. But you never really forget your first.


I spent eight weeks on the keto diet and ended up with some pretty baller results. I spend the following week as a cheat week and I ended that week a lot lighter than I thought I would. Still weird feeling gross at the weight I’m at.

Speaking of feeling gross, I’m telling anyone that will listen that I ate 6 cheeseburgers at Leonard’s house during the Super Bowl. Nobody was watching me.

Doing some traveling in the next few months. Heading down to Kona, HI for the Kona Brewfest in mid March. Then a few days later, I’m heading to Peoria for Spring Training. In July there is a Las Vegas trip coming which is being known affectionately as SOLVT 2015. We’ve got about ten good brothers committed to going, we’ve compiled a google doc, and it is going to be a lot of organized fun.

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